I am intensely aware that I am addressing no one when I write this- but I'll work with what I've got. Hi I'm Kate and this is my little pigeon hole of the internet. I've done it up in painful detail with a moustache themed design and now it seems that it is time for me to stop faffing and just write. It really isn't the easiest of things to do despite me spending large amounts of time elsewhere writing various other stories, articles and posts. Right now I am supposed to be revising for an exam I have tomorrow so naturally I decided to start a blog instead. I do however know (sort of) where I am going with this.
Where to start? Where the idea came from I guess. It all started last year when I began having monday lunchtime meetings with a member of support staff at school. They were worried about me and it was dear Ms S's job to see if I was alright. We would sit in the dark in a tiny first aid room staring at each other, sometimes she would ask questions and sometimes I would answer them. I wasn't in the best shape then, I'm naturally anxious and prone to obsessive thoughts especially when it comes to eating, but I was having a bad spell and the latter was what they were concerned about most. I'd sit with my nutrition supplement and make bubbles in it whilst watching the line of thick dark liquid rise and fall through the straw. I was very hungry but too bitter to admit it. She also knew I wasn't sleeping too well, and that I really did not want to talk. Nothing could bribe me into her office so eventually she gave me her work mobile number which I would use very rarely and reluctantly for only the most practical of messages. One monday she asked if I had thought about writing things down because she knew that I enjoyed writing and did a lot of it. Though the only response I could give was "I don't know" I had in fact thought about it a lot and there was many a notebook scattered around the house half filled with thoughts. Something always stopped me writing though, and the remaining pages in each book were left untouched. I can't remember what she had wanted me to write exactly though I think it would have been something along the lines of this:
Expectations:
(Written in the morning, worries, fears, hopes)
My Day:
(How it went, What I did, How I felt, etc)
Summary:
(How it matched my expectations)
One Good Thing:
(Something that I am thankful for)
I thought it was a pretty good idea at the time but knew that I wasn't capable of writing anything more insightful about myself than my calorie intake of the day. A year later and several weeks after Ms S retired I feel I am ready to take on her idea. I want to feel the benefit of knowing that I am doing something routinely (not a strong point of mine) and that at the end of the day there will always be that one good thing. I am really hoping this changes the way I think for the better, I am physically stronger now but I still have weak times and I am always hoping to make these less and less harmful to my life. This has been a pretty negative post I know but I am hoping the future here will be more positive.
So that's it then, I will see you everyday, if you do in fact exist of course.
